what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
