You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
