I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
