I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
