Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Say something about gay babies.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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