You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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