there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
