Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
