fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
