i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
