FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Randomize
