can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
