He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
