I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
