i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
