Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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