Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
