Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
