That's intense
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
