I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
