I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
