THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
