At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
