he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
