My liver just broke up with me...
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Why can't burritos get me drunk
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
