How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
i believe in u and ur pee
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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