he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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