11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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