You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
