Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
