Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
