Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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