I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
there was a trapeze. enough said
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
