she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
