hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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