We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
