Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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