Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
