This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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