I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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