Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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