Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
