Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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