i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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