my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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