You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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