All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
