ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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