My room smells like vodka and shame
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
