She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
