Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
PS: I just woke up from my shower
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
