did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
