Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
