I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
